


The Pretender

by Mesaana



Category: The Folk of the Air - Holly Black
Genre: Angry Jude, F/F, F/M, Revenge, Scheming, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2019-11-23 22:55:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18158102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mesaana/pseuds/Mesaana
Summary: Picks up where The Wicked King left off. Jude is determined to get her life in faerie back anyway she can and enters a precarious alliance... Once she stands face to face with Cardan again, can they find away to work together against a common enemy? Or does someone always has to have power over the other? Are there some things that can't be forgiven?





	1. A way out

**Author's Note:**

> From the start I just wanted to write down this one scene; how I imagined Jude's and Cardan's reunion after the wicked king. Then I needed to figure out how they got there. Then I got more ideas. And it grew. I can't really promise that I will finish it in a neat way, but if you hang in there will be some Jude/Cardan reunion stuff anyway. And English is not my first language, so I hope that the language barrier wont be to distracting. Let me know if you read it!

I waved goodbye to Oak as he met up with his friends and they walked together to the school entrance. He got along very well with the mortal kids at school. I had been a bit worried that he would be too different to be accepted but children in his age still had a lot of imagination and the others seemed to appreciate his stories, it was just another kind of game to them. At least I hope that was the case, that he hadn’t accidentally glamoured anyone.

I started walking away, towards the apartment I shared with Vivienne and Oak. I was happy to see that he blended with the others so easily, but at the same time it hurt a little bit. The folk seemed to fit in wherever they went whereas I didn’t fit in anywhere. To human for faerie, not human enough for the mortal realm. Being able to keep an eye on Oak was at least one of the few upsides of my life in exile so I had made it my mission to walk him to and from school every day. After school I taught him the other things, the things he would need in faerie. Somehow days passed, weeks, months. It was almost three months since my exile.

I stopped to look trough a shopping window full of designer clothes. The fashion may be different, but I had realized that mortals were just as vain as the folk. I had come to appreciate the use of a pair of well fitted black jeans though. Most days paired with a loose tank top, just like today. I could see my own reflection in the window. After a couple days spent on Vivi’s sofa I had asked her to cut my tangled hair short. Oriana would have thought it scandal, but it certainly was more practical.

It might sound as I was content here. I wasn’t. All my training was worthless here. This world had another set of rules and I was as clueless as when I first arrived in faerie. I never really considered it an option to stay, I’m going back, I just need a plan first.

Somehow, I must get to Cardan. Make him honor or agreement or get him out of the picture. But I couldn’t do it alone. I needed the help of someone close to Cardan, but not necessarily very loyal. Madoc would have been the obvious choice. But even if he would take me back now when I had no power I couldn’t trust him. Madoc had made it clear that he wanted the power for himself, he wouldn’t share and I didn’t have anything to bargain with anymore.

_What about being the Queen of Elfhame?_

I had thought about it many times. You would think being the Queen would grant you some kind of power. But I couldn’t wrap my head around the mechanics of it. I certainly didn’t have any power when the guards dragged me away. Maybe it was like the folk and lies, they actually could lie as long as they believed what they said to be true. Maybe I only had power if they actually believed that I was the queen, if Cardan acknowledged me. The regent seldom marries so there wasn’t much to go on here. The thing I was most afraid of was that it would all be something Cardan had made up. Why didn’t I make my own research before I agreed? Why didn’t I have more conditions before I released him?

_Because you thought you could trust him, at least a bit. That you two were past playing games._

So not Madoc. Who close to Cardan had their own reasons for wanting to humiliate him? Preferably someone I could get access to and who could be convinced to help me. Suddenly it came to me.

_Locke._

Just thinking about going to Locke made me wince. But I knew for a fact that he liked to play games with Cardan, to humiliate him. He didn’t really have any allegiances with anyone, Locke just did whatever suited his twisted games. Maybe he wouldn’t out right betray his friend, but if I suggested a game… And he probably hadn’t told Taryn about his pack of foxes trying to kill me the night before their wedding, that was something I could bargain with.

_And it would certainly spite Cardan if you were scheming with Locke._

It was a bit childish but right now anything that would hurt Cardan was an extra bonus to getting my life back. Of course, involving Locke also meant involving Taryn… Another person I really didn’t want to think about. If there was anything left of our bond, she would certainly owe me. She hadn’t been in touch once, no one from my family in faerie had. I suspected they had someone watching the apartment though, keeping watch over Oak.

It was a start at least, I would need to figure the rest out as I went.

“I need you to send a message to Taryn” I said with a loud voice as soon as I opened the door to the apartment again. Vivi peeked out from the kitchen where she was preparing breakfast for herself.

“You want to make up with Taryn?” She said it a bit hesitantly. I’m sure she would be thrilled if I wanted to but Vivi knew me too well to think that I would just ask Taryn to hug it out.

“Kind of” I answered. Vivi looked at me a bit more suspiciously now, waiting for the long answer.

“I need her help. To get back to Faerie.”

Vivi sighed.

“Well finally!”

“What?” I always thought she wanted me to live here, safe from the intrigues of faerie.

“Not that you’re not welcome to stay, of course” She added. “But the longer you stay even I realize you won’t be happy here.”

I smiled and gave her a hug. At least Vivi was always going to be on my side.

“Write a letter and I will make sure she gets it”.


	2. Sisters

The day that Taryn comes to see me was a rainy one. We had agreed to meet in a park close by the apartment, alone. Somehow it felt better to meet outside, more neutral ground maybe?

I was early, waiting on a bench sitting under a big tree that offered protection from the rain. I couldn’t decide on what to say. I had kept Taryn at a distance for so long, never really taken time to think about what had happened to us. Looking back, I couldn’t really understand how we could have gone from being inseparable to being so… separate. It all started with Locke, or did it? What happened with Locke shouldn’t have been possible if it wasn’t for the fact that we had already drifted apart, right? All the secrets. I was sure I wasn’t the only one who kept them anymore though. And what about Madoc? How close were they? Did Taryn do his bidding now? Was it a mistake to even talk to her?

Then I see her. She’s coming down the gravel road towards me in her mortal clothes. She sits down on the bench beside me without any greetings.

“Your hair is different. It suits you.”

I laugh, short and harsh.

“Maybe I got tired of people not being able to tell us apart.”

Too much. The silence grows heavy between us.

“There were so much you didn’t tell me Jude. All this time you… Madoc said that I had to, that you were in too deep, that you would come around. He’s our father Jude, and you made a fool of him.”

I take a deep breath, trying to contain my frustration.

“Can’t you see that he can never be allowed to rule Taryn? He´s too bloodthirsty, he only knows war, that’s what he wants.”

“And you’re more qualified?” Taryn asks in a neutral tone.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like that. I want Oak to rule, he’s good. He just needs more time, he’s too young to get stuck in all of this.”

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this? Or Madoc? We could have worked something out as a family, you didn’t need to make some pact with _Cardan_ of all people. You chose him over your own family.” Taryn looks genuinely upset.

“And what did you choose Taryn? Running errands for Madoc, and Locke?”

We both look straight ahead, away from each other and the silence is heavy again. This isn’t going well, I was supposed to make her help me.

“Look, I’m sorry about that. I can’t stay here, I’m going crazy. I don’t think we’re entirely human anymore Taryn…”

Taryn sighs.

“I don’t think we have been for a long while” she agrees.

“I miss us. I want to fix things, go back to the way we used to be. I just don’t know how. Can we try?”

I look at her and stretch out an open hand. It isn’t a lie, but I still feel terrible saying it because maybe it isn’t the whole truth either. But I need her to want to help me. Luckily Taryn must interpret my tormented look as regret because she takes my hand in hers.

“No matter what, you´re still my sister.”

I smile faintly and no matter my intentions it warms my heart. Taryn smiles back at me. I draw a deep breath, preparing for the next part.

“You of all people understand that I can’t stay here right?”

Taryn frowns.

“I don’t get that part. If Cardan must do what you tell him, how could he exile you?”

For a second I consider telling her everything. How hard it had been, trying to keep Cardan in check, always looking over my shoulder and enduring the mockery from the rest of the court. About the wicked tension between me and Cardan. All the mockery and scorn. The soft voice I hadn’t heard him use with anyone but me. How soft his touch could be. His oath to me and the blooming buds above us.

Maybe I could at least tell her part of the truth.

“He asked me to release him. He needed to truly be the High King to do what he did at the beach with Orlagh.”

“And you just said yes?” Taryn asks disbelievingly.

“Things were… different between us by then Taryn. I didn’t think that anything had to change, that I would still be his advisor, maybe more than that.”

Taryn squeezes my hand and look at me with sympathy in her eyes. I guess that for her, a love story gone wrong made sense. She wouldn’t be entirely wrong either.

“And then he exiled you. Did you really kill Balekin?”

“Yes, but only because he attacked me. Cardan didn’t like it tough.”

“What an asshole.”

I half laugh, half sobs at that.

“So what can I do?” Taryn asks.

I really love her at that moment. And feel like a complete fraud for not telling her the whole truth. But until I knew what being married to Cardan really entails I couldn’t risk that the information reached Madoc who most certainly would find a way to use it against me.

“If I can just get back to faerie I know I can find a why to make him pardon me. I just need a safe space to hide while I do it, somewhere no one would rat me out to the guards.”

Taryn looks doubtful.

“If anyone recognize you they could kill you on the spot, or make a public execution of it.”

“Being here isn’t living either.”

Taryn looks like she’s having an internal struggle.

“And you know that I can take care of myself.”

She sighs.

“And how would you get Cardan to pardon you?”

“You know how we would always want me to gravel for him when we were in school together? I will ask for his forgiveness, he won’t be able to resist that. Maybe Locke could even get me an audience with him.”

Of course, I would do nothing of the sort. But that had always been what Taryn had wanted me to do, to just play along.

“It may work. I could talk to Locke about it. He would probably agree if I ask him.”

He probably would. Even though Locke had reason to not want me in faerie I don’t think he would be able to resist to see how this story plays out.

“What do Locke know?” I ask.

Taryn shakes her head.

“Not much. Cardan obviously don’t want anyone to know about the power you had over him so he has been doing his best to cover up Madoc’s betrayal. I haven’t told him I had a part in it.”

“And… What about Madoc?”

Taryn shrugs.

“He’s off scheming somewhere. I want no part of it really, I told him so after I helped him with Cardan.”

I want to believe her.

“Even if Cardan pardons you, what will you do Jude? You can’t get stuck between Cardan and Madoc again, you won’t get out alive a second time.”

“I will figure something out. First I want my sister back.”

She smiles and gives me a hug. I close my eyes and squeeze her tightly, still feeling like a fraud.


	3. My enemy's enemy

The following week arrangements were made. Taryn would prepare Locke’s estate for my arrival. Or was it Taryn’s estate now as well? Their servants had already sworn an oath of secrecy concerning anything they may see inside the walls of the estate (why was I not surprised at this). Locke had agreed to the plan suspiciously easy. It doubtlessly made me uncomfortable having to trust Locke even a little bit, but this was just his kind of game after all.

Sometimes when I thought about it all I could barely contain a hysterical laugh. Moving in with my sister and her new husband, who had also been my lover for a brief time and then tried to kill me the day before their wedding. We would certainly have some interesting dinner conversations.

“Jude! Jude! I made you a goodbye gift!”

Oak comes running at me from the kitchen where he had been drawing with crayons until a minute ago. He hands me a drawing picturing 6 people holding hands. It wasn’t hard figuring out it was supposed to be Madoc, Oriana, Vivienne, Taryn, me and himself. I feel a lump in my throat.

“Maybe soon we will all be together again” He suggests with a happy grin.

I don’t have the heart to tell him otherwise.

“You certainly have gotten good at drawing!” I exclaim and ruffles his hair.

“I promise to be careful with it.” I say and put it on top of the other things already packed down in my duffel bag. It wasn’t much I needed to pack. I didn’t need any more mortal cloths than the ones I already had on and I didn’t have any more faerie cloths than the ones I had on when I arrived. I found myself wondering what they had done with my stuff. Burning them certainly would have been Cardan’s style, if it didn’t mean he would have to admit he had feelings.

“You ready?” Vivi calls from the hallway.

I pull the zipper closed on my bag and give Oak a quick hug.

When I get to the hallway I see Heather waiting beside Vivi.

“Heather!” Oak make a happy squeak and run towards her, hugging her waist.

“Heather will look after Oak while I’m away” Vivi explains.

“Well… how fortunate you could help” I say with a smile. Heather shrugs her shoulders.

“Anything for Oak.”

“Ok, well, don’t wait up for us!” Vivi says as she walks out.

I walk past Heather and Oak and give Heather a quick hug.

“Good Luck” Heather says before letting me go.

We all say goodbye and then we’re out the door.

In a secluded spot Vivi makes the ragwort steeds appear. We mount up.

“So… You and Heather seem friendly again?” I ask.

During my time here I hadn’t seen Heather once, even though I knew they still talked sometime. Vivi shrugs.

“Baby steps I guess. Let’s go, we want to get there before anyone important wakes up.”

So we set of in the glow of the setting sun. It felt strange. Riding to Elfhame as we had done so many times before, as if nothing had happened. Some little part of me was afraid that I would drop down dead the second I put my foot in faerie but he couldn’t possibly be that powerful. I had to admit that maybe some part of me was afraid to go back. Raising a new island from the sea had been a quite impressing thing to witness.

Once I spotted the shore it felt as coming home though. In a meadow close to the estate we slowed the horses down and dismounted. I took a deep breath, I was still alive.

Then something hard hit me in the head.

“Ouch!”

“What?” Vivi asks, panic in her voice.

I rub my head and see something on the ground. I pick it up. It was an unusually big acorn from the tree above us.

“Nothing, I guess… Just a bit of bad luck.” I tossed the acorn away.

“Let’s move then. I won’t relax until you are behind those walls.” Vivi left her horse and took the lead. I followed right behind her.

It wasn’t a long walk. Just to be extra careful we avoided the big entrance and instead we were looking for a servant entrance that Taryn had told us about. Just when we spotted it and picked up the pace I suddenly tripped over something and fell.

Vivi curses.

“Aren’t you supposed to be some kind of ninja? In that case you’re certainly out of practice.” She offers me a hand to help me up. I take it and brush of my jeans as I get up.

“My foot got stuck in some roots…” I said disbelievingly and look down. I catch a glimpse of a vine that slithers away before my eyes. I frown.

“Well come on, we’re almost there.” Vivi continues, she had already started walking again.

I nod slowly and pick up the pace. This couldn’t be a coincidence. I had heard stories about the trees in faerie, that they had a mind of their own. But did they really have a mind of their own or could they be part of something else? The High King was a part of the land after all and it changed as he did. I curse. This may be harder than I expected if the very earth I stepped on would be against me. How strong could this connection be? What if he somehow… knew? I would have to act fast just to be sure.

We’re at the service entrance now and Vivi makes tree rapid knocks. A gnome opens the door, not looking at us as he lets us in.

“The mistress is expecting you” he says and clos the door behind us.

“Let me take you to her”.

Vivi and I both follow as he leads us trough the kitchens. A couple of servants preparing todays meals look up but if someone recognize me they don’t show it.

Even if I have been here before it feels like a lifetime ago. I barely recognize anything. The gnome opens the door to a library and gesture for us to go in and then closes the door behind us. At the same moment Taryn throws herself at us, one arm around each of our necks.

“I was worried. This was such a stupid idea.”

We both hug her back before backing away.

“No worries, everything went fine. No lightning struck us down the moment we arrived, and no one saw us.” Vivi assures Taryn with a grin.

Taryn doesn’t laugh at that.

“Come, sit down. Have some tea will you?” Taryn gesture to a small coffee table and three big armchairs surrounded by ceiling high bookshelves.

“I could have gone for something stronger than tea…” Vivi mumbles as we sit down.

It all feels a bit uncomfortable. Taryn seems fidgety and nervous. I can’t really tell if it’s because something is wrong or if it’s just because of the whole strange situation. She and Vivi exchange some pleasantries about Oak, Heather and how she likes the married life.

“Is Locke joining us?” I ask carefully. Taryn shakes her head.

“No, he had to be somewhere else” She answers and then continue to ask Vivi about Heather.

Finding new ways to humiliate people and play with their feelings must be time-consuming.

“Do you remember that time you ate some berries that looked like blueberries and turned all blue for a week?” Vivi asks with a grin.

Taryn couldn’t hold back a smile either, a real smile. We talk some more childhood memories. Simpler times, even if they certainly weren’t simple. How could we share so many memories and still be so different?

“Well, it’s time for me to get back” Vivi says as she yawns.

It’s still early in faerie but late in the mortal realm. I nod and yawn as well.

“Maybe you could show me to my room? I think I will need some adjusting before I can stay up all night.” I ask Taryn.

“Yes, of course!” Taryn quickly stand up.

We say goodbye to Vivi who leaves on her own to return back to the mortal realm. Now it’s just Taryn and me. We walk in silence up a stair which leads to a hallway with several doors. Taryn stops before one of them.

“I’m really glad you’re here. Maybe this will be really good.” Taryn says with a kind of uncertain voice. I make a little nod in response and smile faintly.

“Good night”.

I walk into the room and close the door. The room is really nice. A big bed with green covers. A small fire lit in the fireplace already. The wardrobe certainly has more space than I will ever need. There’s also a desk by the window.

I lay down on my back in the bed. Finally alone.

I certainly tried but couldn’t get any restful sleep. That night in the woods, hunted by masked strangers came to me no matter how hard I tried to not think about it. Sometimes I wasn’t sure if it was a nightmare or if I was still awake. How could I possibly sleep here? How could one be comfortable enough for sleep in the enemy’s lair? At dawn I stopped trying. It was still late rather than early to be faerie but I needed to at least move around for a bit.

In the wardrobe I found a couple of dresses. Taryn always thought on things like that, like what to wear and what kind of message it sent. These dresses were quite simple but still elegant and easy to move in. I put one a brown one with a wide neckline and walk out in the hallway. When I get to the stairs I see that there is a door slightly open in the other end of the hallway and I hear someone humming a festive melody. I change direction and walk up to the open door with slow quiet steps. Peeking inside I see Locke sitting at a big desk, scribbling something on a paper with one hand and a glass of wine in the other. I tap lightly on the door and nudge it open still standing in the doorway.

“Jude!” Locke looks up with a wide smile. He gets up and walks toward me.

“It’s good to see you. Honestly, Elfhame is almost dull without you. Please, sit down.” He gestured toward a couch situated in the middle of the room.

“Do you want some wine?”

“Sure” I say after some hesitation. I sit down on the couch. Mind spinning. Locke pour some wine in a second glass, the red kind that weren’t all that different from the one humans drink. He sits down beside me and hands over the glass.

I take a small sip, but it doesn’t seem to be anything other than quite ordinary wine.

“I hope you’re comfortable?”

“I am, you and Taryn have been very generous.”

“No trouble at all. We have both missed you. That whole exile thing was a bit dramatic, even for me.” He says with a grin.

“I thought you might be happy about it since we weren’t on the best of terms the last time we spoke.” My voice is a bit cautious, trying to figure out were he stands.

Locke makes a dismissive gesture.

“Time heals all wounds, right? And as I said, the court have been so dull without you. Since you left Cardan seems to always be busy with council meetings or cooped up with Nicasia in some corner. There’s parties alright but it’s just the same old.”

I notice how he studies my face as he speaks, no doubt watching for a reaction.

“Sounds boring indeed” I agree and take another sip of wine.

“I swear that after that whole demonstration at the beach people are afraid to laugh too loud in his presence. He actually has been kind of moody I guess.”

“So you will help me?” I ask.

“Sure, what else are family for?” He ever so lightly touches my shoulder. I hold back a reflex to punch him somewhere.

“Just tell me what you need”

“An audience with Cardan.”

“Yes, Taryn told me you wanted to beg for his forgiveness.” Locke looks at me with searching eyes.

“In private.” I add.

“In private?” He repeats with a raised eyebrow.

“You wouldn’t make me beg in public, would you?” I smile at him.

“No, that wouldn’t be very ladylike I guess. But then neither would breaking into my house and threaten to break my bones.” He says sweetly.

“Well it’s not considered very polite to shoot arrows at your family members either” I answer dryly. “Did you tell Taryn about your pre-wedding revels?”

“True, true…” says Locke. “That did get a bit out of hand, I’ll admit to that. How about this, I will get you a private audience, I always find begging works best that way anyhow, all you have to do is grant me a small favor in the future.”

“What kind of favor?” I ask thinking about my promise to Roiben. That didn’t work out very well even if I kept it in the end.

“I just think you still might have a role to play in our little games. Nothing big.”

“I won’t hurt Taryn.”

“Of course not, neither would I!” Locke exclaims.

“Trust me, it might even be something you will enjoy.” He says with a bit of twinkle in his fox eyes.

I sigh.

“Ok Locke, I will play along with your games as long as no one gets hurt.”

“Then a toast is in order! Welcome home Jude!”

I raise my glass and lightly touch his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy to see that my story have some readers! Updates will probably be quite slow since I don't have it all figured out yet and don't have a lot of time to write. And you know, I just do it for fun :) But I do have a lot of fun planned for the next chapter!


	4. Good to see you again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the scene that I wrote first of all, how I imagined the reunion of Jude and Cardan. Quite a short chapter, but I like the scene to just stand on it's own kind of?

The tall walls of the hedge maze looms over me, making me feel small. It feels strange being back here, almost like I’m gone back in time and not only back to this place. The last time I were here I was with Locke, laughing, drinking and kissing. Falling to sleep in bed together. It felt like an eternity ago and at the same time I feel a little bit like that girl now, listening to the laughter coming from the center of the maze, always outside looking in.

_“I have arranged a revel in the maze. Cardan will be there. His guards will be patrolling the outside, but they won’t follow him inside. I have a little game in mind…”_

It was all Locke’s plan. That made me nervous. I wasn’t sure who Locke really wanted to humiliate, Cardan or me.

_“Now how you convince him… That’s up to you but remember one thing; you can’t kill him.”_

I had been a bit surprised at that. He obviously had not been as easily convinced as Taryn. Maybe he had seen sides of me that Taryn had not. I remember what he said that time when I confronted him after the queen of mirth incident; _I know that in your heart, whatever he has promised you, you still hate him._ It certainly felt true right now. Maybe Locke knew more about me than I was comfortable with. You could accuse him of a lot of things, but he didn’t miss much.

Then I heard steps approaching. I stand hidden behind a statue in a dark corner of the maze. Fortunately, there was a full silver moon in the sky, or I would have missed the three figures that were coming down the path. I heard giggles and soft laughter. The figure in the middle was the tallest, flanked by two shorter figures.

“Just a little further your highness” one of the shorter figures said.

Then I recognized him. He hadn’t changed much. Tall and slender. He had on a black silky shirt, buttons halfway undone. His pale skin seemed to reflect the moonlight, almost like it had a soft sheen to it. On his fingers and his ears jewels glittered. It made me realize I still had on my ring, well, the one he took from me and then gave back when we took and oath to be husband and wife. I quickly take it of and put it in my pocket.

“Now just wait here for one second and you will get your special prize” a pixie at his side says and I realize he have a blindfold on. So typical Locke, always so dramatic.

“I surely hope you make it worth my time” Cardans says, a faint threat in his voice. The pixie and her friend share an insecure look and hurry back the way they came.

I take a deep breath. This was my chance. I quietly move so that I come up behind him and put my knife against the side of his neck, at one of the big arteries, the same one I had slit opened on his brother.  His entire body stiffened as the cold steel touches his skin.

“You fucking exiled me.”

“Jude” he says my name as he let out his breath, loosing up a little bit but not entirely. He takes of his blindfold with one hand and slowly starts to turn around. I let him but make sure the knife never loose contact with his skin.

As he faces me he looks relieved somehow and for a moment I think he’s about to smile but then his expression grow more cautious when he realize I still don’t lower the dagger.

“You Treacherous Asshole”. I emphasize every word, my voice nearly trembling with months of built up anger.

His face tightens even though he puts on a sweet smile. Not at all the smile I saw a hint of earlier when he first recognized me, this is the distant, mocking smile.

”As I remember it you killed my brother after I explicably asked you not do. And you didn’t even think it necessary to mention it to me, not even when I pledged my troth to you. If you want to play the game Jude, you can’t change your mind just because you lose a round.”

My grip on the knife tightens as he speaks and I’m close to accidentally piercing his skin with the blade. Well, I’m not entirely sure it would be accidentally. I fix my eyes on his.

“You may have the luxury of not being a killer Cardan, I don’t. If I didn’t kill I would be dead long ago. I tried to save your life and Balekin attacked me with a sword when all I had was a dagger. There is no honor in killing, no courtesy. You take your shot, or you’re dead. I refuse to apologize for not being dead. And you know what? I would do it all over again. He deserved it.”

Thinking about it brought back the memories from being trapped in the undersea. Having to pretend to be glamoured by Balekin, kissing him, telling him I would do anything for him, that I was his. I feel sick thinking about it.

Cardan holds his head up high, managing to seem untroubled by the knife even though I think I see a small tremble in his hands which still hangs at his sides, holding the blindfold he had on a minute ago.

“It wasn’t your decision to make. He wasn’t your brother.” His answer comes slower this time, but his voice is still determined.

I sniff.

“Well, if things were up to you, you wouldn’t even have that crown.”

After that, we both fell silent, faces tight, the air sparkling with the tension.

“I don’t have time for this. Get moving.” I make a gesture at an opening in the hedge a little further down the path.

Cardan straighten, apparently he had decided to make some kind of stand for the first time in his silly life instead of just making a joke about it. He really knows how to choose his moments.

“I’m done taking orders from you. If you want me to move, you will have to carry my dead body yourself.”

I shrugged my shoulders.

“Fine by me”

With a swift movement I raise my dagger and hit an especially vulnerable spot on his temple with the hilt. Hard. I probably could have caught him and softened his fall, but I didn’t.


	5. Some kind of bargain

I almost regret hitting him in the head as I drag his body into the opening in hedge wall. There is something unnerving about touching his unconscious body, suddenly so limp. Unconscious like this he almost feels vulnerable… Well, maybe that was a good thing. I certainly needed him to be a bit out of balance if this was going to work.

On the other side of the hedge there was a square open area, probably meant for the more private kind of party. As soon as we were inside branches started to reach out for each other and the opening closed as if it had never been there. This area was much smaller than the open center of the maze, but it still had a luxurious carpet covering the ground and white flowing fabrics created something similar to a tent with a lounge area inside. There were armchairs and a divan in red velvet, all dimly lit by candles. Not exactly the setting I would have chosen.

It was an endeavor to get him into one of the armchairs, but I managed and sat down opposite him. His face was at peace in a way it never was when he was awake.

It didn’t take long before he started to move around though. He stirred with a moan, lifting his hand to his temple which now had a small gash. It had already stopped bleeding but his fingers get tainted by the blood when he touches it. It takes a couple of moments before he’s able to fix his eyes on mine.

“You hit me” he says disbelievingly. More than a little offended.

“To be honest I don’t think I had to, but I quite enjoyed it” I answer and shrugs my shoulders. I pick up the knife and mindlessly run my fingers along the edge of it.

His face contorts in anger but then wince with pain again.

“At least I’m not dead so I guess you want something from me?”

“You’re not dead _yet”_ I correct him.

He gives me an annoyed look.

“Well excuse me, how come I’m not dead _yet?”_

I don’t answer immediately, weighing my words as I look at him.

“I’m here to give you a chance to make things right. Pardon me and recognize me as queen, or I _will_ take you down. I made you after all.” My voice is cold.

I notice his eyes going down to my hands, to the ring that isn’t there anymore.

“You would still be my Queen?” He asks, his eyes still on my hands. I can’t really say what it is I hear in his voice.

“The Queen. Or I could join Madoc.”

He sniffs.

“You don’t want Madoc to control Oak, remember?”

“Don’t underestimate the things I would do if you don’t pardon me Cardan. I’m here even though you exiled me, am I not?”

“You do have a way of not going away…” he mumbles.

“And killing you is still an option” I add.

“You would kill me?” He raises his eyes to mine again, his gaze intense. Locking his eyes to mine. I become aware of my heartbeat, my breath.

“If I need to” I answer with even voice, not looking away. He keeps looking at me for a moment longer before he looks away.

“Well Jude, you may find that sometimes there are other solutions than killing. Or using brute force.” He adds the later carefully touching his forehead again.

“Hear my proposal. Madoc is threatening to make an open attack if I don’t agree to make Oak King. Even if we probably could hold back his army with support from the sea it would make us look weak if he attacks in the open. Others could get ideas.”

“You mean it would make _you_ look weak” I sniff.

“But it could be us Jude. You could be me my equal. Would Madoc ever give you that?”

I look at him with a suspicious look, not saying anything.

“I meant what I said that night Jude. That wasn’t just some trick. But then…”

“And despite all of those pretty words of yours I’m still exiled, aren’t I?” I cut him off with a cold voice, barely able to hold back the rage suddenly back at full force.

Some part of me desperately wanted to hear what he had to say, wanted to hear that I hadn’t made a mistake to trust him enough to release him from his oath. But that part was also the part that made it possible for him to exile me in the first place, the trusting part that thought he had changed.

“So pardon me if I’m not going take your word that you would do it out of the goodness of your heart” I add with sarcasm.

He straightens again. The brief softness gone. I never knew anyone who’s mood could change as swift as Cardan’s.

“So then what?” he asks briskly.

“You pardon me here, in front of your so-called friends. And you announce me as Queen.”

For a moment he seems to be thinking something over.

“I will pardon you today, in front of the revelers.”

I’m trying not to let the relief show on my face.

“And I will declare you as my Queen… If you find a way to eliminate the threat from Madoc.”

I open my mouth to protest but Cardan raise a hand to silence me.

“These are my terms. If you don’t agree, you’re welcome to kill me and take your chances in the mayhem that will follow.”

Somehow he makes his own death sound like a threat. Even bloodied and dirty he once again looks like the king that exiled me. Regal. I don’t look away or back down but suddenly I’m not so sure I have the upper hand anymore.

“Fine. But you can never exile me again. If you want to get rid of me, you will have to get your hands dirty and kill me.”

I think I see something, a flicker in his mask, but then he nods.

“Agreed.”

I stand up.

“Well, then let’s join the party _your highness_.” I say with sarcasm.

We find our way to the center of the maze during a heavy silence. He has gotten better at politics, I will give him that. Even if I mostly got what I wanted I feel insecurity starting to grow inside of me as the voices get louder. Fear that he somehow tricked me again, or that Locke did and that this is all a big joke.

_Damn you Cardan, this time I will strike you down on the spot._

As we become visible in the opening to the center of the maze the guests start to notice us one after one, falling silent, unsure of what to do. I recognize most of them. Not that long ago I was looking down on them from the dais, standing behind the throne. Now they are spread out among similar tents as the one in the secret opening, on chairs, carpets or dancing to suggestive music. More candles and decadent red velvet. And of course, more vine and food than anyone could ever need. It doesn’t take long for all of them to fall silent as their king and his brother’s murderer appear though. Even the music stops.

“The crown hereby pardon Jude Duarte from her crimes. Tonight, she has shown me just how determined she is to serve Elfhame.”

His voice easily carries, even though the fact that he slurs a bit take the edge of his formality. I see couple of them smiling as if thinking of just how I had showed him. I remember him kissing me at the banquet in honor of king Roiben and clench my teeth. Suddenly I see Locke stepping out from the rest of the group. He walks up to us and stand beside me, putting a hand against the small of my back. With his other hand he raises a goblet.

“Well this is certainly turning out to an eventful evening, all the more reason to celebrate!” he proclaims.

Cardan snag a nearby goblet full of wine, surely not his own, and join in on Locke’s toast.

“Let’s hope it doesn’t get anymore eventful or she might just accidentally kill someone again” Cardan adds. He gets a few nervous laughs in respond before he staggers away to a corner where I see Nicasia waiting on him. She doesn’t look amused.

As I look at him go I realize he must be faking it. He wasn’t drunk when we were alone. I find myself wondering if this is not the first time he fakes it.

“Well congratulations are in order I believe”

Locke’s voice close to my ear brings me back. He still has his hand on my back.

“Now what will you do now?”


	6. The court of shadows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone out there still reading? ;-) I have never really been able to write very short stories, they intrigues are just barely getting started now! But I also kind of try to get my plot together, making sure the story will also have a worthy ending. Looking forward to writing the next chapter especially...

The next day I wake up in the evening, not in the morning. From the moment I open my eyes the air somehow feels easier to breath. I allow myself to enjoy it. Even though the war is long from over I definitely won a battle.

I’m still in my room at the estate. I stretch out in the spacious bed with soft white sheets while I watch the sun getting closer and closer to the horizon outside the window.

Locke had managed to convince me to stay at the revel after the announcement was made. My first instinct had been to leave but I am glad that I did not give them the satisfaction. Soon I realized that it might just be me who made them uncomfortable instead. Being the High King’s seneschal might have bought me some ounce of respect but killing a prince had made them afraid of me, especially since I got away with it with only three months of exile.

Cardan quickly resumed his drinking routine as if this was nothing out of the ordinary. He sat in an armchair not completely unsimilar to his throne at the palace, Nicasia by his side, occasionally whispering into his ear. I sometimes caught him looking at me though.

I hadn’t seen Taryn all night. It made me wonder what married life with Locke could be like. I shudder.

Finally, I get out of bed and get dressed in a simple dark dress with a divided skirt. I drag my hand trough my short hair in front of the mirror and then venture out to the rest of the house.

In the dining room downstairs I find Locke and Taryn eating breakfast by a large table full of different kinds of fruit, bread and cheese. Taryn immediately gets up to give me a hug, surprising me with the sudden burst of affection.

“Oh Jude, Locke told me everything!”

I wonder at that, somehow I doubt that he ever tells her everything. If he does my sister is more wicked than I thought.

“I admit it’s nice to wake up and not having the threat of execution hanging over my head” I say with a smile as I let her go.

“Well, it’s only Tuesday…” Locke comments with a grin. Taryn gives him deadly stare.

“Only a joke my dear!” he put his hands up in an apologetic gesture.

“Come, sit down and have some breakfast.” Taryn pulls out a chair for me. I sit down and start piling food on my plate, my appetite better than it has been for months.

“What are you doing today? I thought we could have a picnic at the sea…”

“Sorry, I can’t. I’m going to the palace.” Taryn gives me a worried look.

“I’m only going to meet some old friends. Besides, I don’t really enjoy a nice sea view as much as I used to anyway.” I add dryly. I almost regret it as I see the remorse in Taryn’s face. I realize I don’t know how to do this, being normal with her. We are not the same people as we used to be.

“I’m sorry, it was a bad idea.” Taryn says.

“Sounds wonderful to me, I’ll go with you and Jude can… reconnect.” Locke says and put his hand on Taryn’s. I busy myself with my food and try my best to keep my face neutral. Watching them touch is still a bit much. Taryn on the other hand gives him a sweet smile.

“Well, I better get going” I rise from my chair, only half finished with my plate. “I will see you later.”

“Don’t you want to take someone with you? I can fetch…”

“Don’t worry, I can take care of myself” I answer with a smile and let my gaze wander to Locke. I survived his gang, didn’t I? And honestly, I’m not sure if I would trust the guard anyway.

As soon as I come outside I take a deep breath of fresh air. The air feels so much better to breath here compared to the mortal realm, pure. I decide to walk to the palace. It feels nice to stretch out my legs again after being cramped up at Locke’s for a couple of days. I have Nightfell at my hip once again and a handful of knives in well-hidden places. Nature is blossoming around me and the last light of the day make the colors feel even more vivid. It feels like home.

Once I reach the palace the guards let me in without a word, their faces neutral. I’m not sure if I would have let me in so easily. Once inside I find myself wandering, not sure were to go… I had come to seek out The Bomb but since the old pathways were compromised when The Ghost betrayed us I’m not sure where to look for her. Turns out I don’t have to look at all though.

“Jude!” The Bomb comes around a corner and immediately gives me a hug. “I came as soon I heard you were here.”

“It’s good to see you” I say in earnest and hug her tight. She takes my hand and leads me towards a very normal looking door that I can’t remember what it leads to. Instead of just opening it I notice that she turns the knob in a specific way, a little left, right, then a little more left before she opens. I go in after her into a windowless room I have never been in before. The Bomb smirks.

“The court of shadows have some new secrets. Don’t ask me to explain it, but let’s just say that the palace have some new rooms. And some new doors, and they are nowhere near each other.”

“I guess you found a new way to get around… Quickly too” I say with fascination as I look around the room that looks a lot like our old headquarter. A long table dominate the room, full of maps, documents and dirty dishes.

“Well, we had to. Nasty business that…”

“Have you learned anything new about The Ghosts whereabouts?”

The Bomb shakes her head.

“And Madoc?” I sit down at the table, starting to look over some of the documents out of habit. It feels so very familiar, like nothing changed.

“Well… honestly, the others thought for sure that he would try to recruit you next, if he hadn’t already. Some even thought you would agree after what Cardan did… Not that I thought you would, I know you don’t want Madoc on the throne anymore than we do.” She still looked a bit ashamed that she even mentions it though.

If that was their theory, it certainly made sense that Cardan had been quite quick to pardon me in exchange for my help. Better scoop me up before the competition did. Not enough to actually apologize and ask for help though.

Another one of the doors open as the Bomb speaks and the Roach come in.

“…And still you take her to our new _secret_ headquarter the second she steps inside the palace.” He mumbles, giving The Bomb a scornful look.

“Don’t misunderstand, it’s damn good to see you, but if you do work with Madoc we are pretty much toast.” He gathers some documents, including the ones I were looking at and put them away.

“But Cardan pardoned her!” The Bomb protests.

“And did he say anything about her being a part of the court of shadows again?” The Roach asks.

The Bomb sniffs and puts her arms across her chest. “That goes without saying.”

She makes it sound so obvious I want to hug her allover again. I settle for a real, genuine smile. The Roach turns to look at me again.

“Honestly Jude, I’m not sure why you wouldn’t side with Madoc after Cardan exiled you, it would certainly be the smart thing to do.”

“Because Madoc would never make her Queen, and I already did.”

Without any of us really taking notice, Cardan now stood before a third door. His slyfooting was getting better.

Both the Bomb and the Roach looks at Cardan in disbelief. To be honest, I do as well, rendered speechless by the matter of fact way that he says it. Maybe I had actually started to question if it was real and not just something that I wanted to be true.

“You… You did what? How?” The Roach asks, obviously struggling to make sense of the words.

Cardan walks across the room to stand behind my chair, watching The Bomb and The Roach that both sits opposite me.

“Let me present you to my wife and Queen. We’re wedded.”

I’m glad that he can’t see my face from where he stands behind me because I immediately blush as he utters the words. I don’t get how he manages to make me uncomfortable even when he does exactly what I wanted.

“Well… That… changes things, I guess.” The Roach says awkwardly, still looking at me with big eyes.

“I still don’t understand. When?” The Bomb asks.

“The day before he exiled me” I answer in a sour tone and get up from the chair, not being comfortable having Cardan so close to my exposed back. Instead I walk up to the end of the table, resting my hands on the back of the high seat.

The Bomb make a low whistle. “Ouch.”

I want to make a snide comment but realize that I’m also not comfortable sharing the intimate details of my relationship with Cardan with anyone else. I certainly don’t want anyone knowing that he got the best of me.

“It’s nothing more than a strategic agreement.” I say and look straight at Cardan. If my words displease him, he doesn’t show it. Instead he smiles.

“Exiling you actually makes more sense now…” The Roach mumbles. I give him a cold stare.

“As you can imagine, it’s imperative that this information don’t leave this room until I say so, as our enemies would certainly find a way to exploit it. I give you my word that the Queen will take her rightful place when the time is right.” Cardans voice is formal again and it’s a certain weight in his eyes as he looks straight at both The Roach and The Bomb.

 _And what if I contradict your order?_ I want to ask, but I swallow the words. He probably knows that I wouldn’t want to force my friends to take the risk, better they believe that this is our mutual plan.

“My lips are sealed, My King. And Queen.” The Roach says. I half expect him to add a mocking smile, but he says the words with reverence, bowing his head in my direction. I blush all over again.

“Mine too.” The Bomb says. “Good thing we already call you The Queen.” She adds with a smile.

Next we sit down to go over the information they have gathered since I left. Cardan mostly keeps quiet, but he doesn’t leave and he doesn’t look bored like he usually do when he listen to petitions or the rare occasions when he attended council. He even looks concentrated, a small wrinkle forming between his brows. I find that I have to tear my eyes from him more than once, trying to focus. They know approximately where Madoc hides his army, but it’s a dense area full of narrow valleys and caves. Not a place where you would like to go in blind once Madoc have had his time arranging his defenses. On the other hand, he can’t stay there and in the palace we have the advantage. At some point The Bomb go to fetch us some food.

“What about Orlagh?” I ask without looking up from the map before me.

“Well, at the moment she seems to be content, as long as Cardan keep Nicasia happy.” The Roach says while glancing at Cardan.

I manage to hold back a biting comment but can’t help to clench my teeth. How was I supposed to face Nicasia after the things they did to me in the undersea? And the thought of her with Cardan make me nauseous.

“And what about Madoc? Any spies of his that we know of?” I ask, not making it a secret what I think about Nicasia’s loyalties.

“Well that’s just the thing. I rather have ten spies that we know of than one still in the dark.” The Roach says.

“Maybe Jude could help us? You know him better than anyone and you might even recognize one of his men. Who knows, they might even try to make contact now that you’re back in faerie, try to recruit you.” The Bomb says.

“Can’t hurt to try. There’s a banquet tomorrow in honor of a guest from one of the other courts. Madoc’s spies will certainly be there, they want to know who is loyal to the king.” The Roach suggest.

“A banquet? Weren’t there a revel just yesterday?” I ask.

“Well a banquet is whole different story” The Bomb says with a wink.

“It would require that you at least pretend to have fun” Cardan adds as if he is doubting that such a thing could be possible.

“I managed to convince Orlagh, Balekin and Nicasia that I was glamoured for a month. I think I will manage.” I answer dryly.

In the corner of my eye I see The Roach and The Bomb trying to look anyway but at me and Cardan. I sigh.

“Banquet tomorrow. All of us should keep our eyes open. Let’s reassemble here after, if you can get away.” I look at Cardan as I say the last part, but with less of an edge now.

“I really should get going.” I add.

“Where _have_ you been hiding?” The Bomb asks curiously.

“You’re the spies, you tell me.” I say with a smile as I leave.


	7. Would you care to dance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been looking forward to this chapter. I hope you like as much as I do.   
> I'm thinking a light TW could be in order just in case, there will be some jealousy. And maybe a little smut.

I stand in front of the mirror in my room, studying my reflection.

Once Taryn learned that I was going to attend this night’s banquet she had lent me one of her many dresses. This one was made from a dark green fabric. Along my right leg there was a slit in the fabric that made it easy to move in, but also showed some skin. On the top the fabric came together in a knot behind my neck, leaving my back bare. With the help of some oils I had combed my short auburn hair back. The result didn’t look that bad.

The only thing missing was perhaps some jewels... On my nightstand sits the red ruby ring that Cardan had given back to me when we said our oaths. I took it off earlier because I didn’t want him to see me wearing it. I was afraid that if he saw me wearing it he would think that it meant something to me. Now I reach for it and slide it on my finger. It could very well serve as a reminder to him that he wouldn’t be able to hide that fact that I was Queen forever.

That would have to do, dressing up for festivities had never been my strong suit.

At the bottom of the stairs I find Locke waiting for me. With someone like him it was kind of hard to tell if he had dressed up or if this was just what he usually wore. He had a green velvet suit on, a nice match for his red hair. Taryn on the other hand was nowhere to be seen.

“Where is Taryn?” I ask.

“Resting in her rooms.” He answers as he is watching me walk down the stairs. His eyes on me kind of make me wish that I had something to cover up in.

“Why…?”

“It had something to do with some kind of mortal ailment, I don’t completely understand how that works… But don’t worry, I promised to keep an eye on you in her place.” Locke answers and winks at me.

I raise my eyebrows, but he doesn’t say anything more. I sigh. That surely isn’t the whole truth but I hadn’t really been looking forward to spending the whole night making polite conversation to Taryn anyway, or watching her with Locke. It would certainly be easier keeping an eye out for spies as well.

“Well, let’s go then.”

Locke smiles and opens the front door for me.

“After you my lady”

I frown but walk out the door. Outside there is a carriage waiting with two horses and a driver. I climb the steps and sit down on the cushioned seat inside. The small space immediately makes me feel confined. I would take a horse over a carriage any day. The space doesn’t feel any bigger once Locke gets in and sits down beside me.

To my relief he doesn’t try to make conversation, instead we ride most of the way in silence. As we arrive a servant opens the door to the carriage and we join a big group of the folk moving towards the great hall. I can see how this night differs from the revel a Locke’s, that had been a strictly private affair compared to the amounts of creatures who were invited tonight. The atmosphere was full of expectations and the mood already a bit giddy. Moving with the crowd I felt oddly invisible, like one of them for once.

Soon we could hear music coming from the great hall, luring the guests in through the big doors. Long tables were placed along the walls of the hall but in the middle there was a big open space no doubt meant for dancing. A group of musicians were already playing both possible and impossible instruments in a corner. The tables were of course overflowing with food and drinks. Some kind of enchantment had been made on the ceiling, instead of showing the dirt roof that I knew existed I could only see the stars above. They had really made an effort tonight.

At one of the shorter ends of the hall were the high kings table. Cardan sits in a throne like chair slightly taller than everyone around him, blood crown on his head. He is clad head to toe in fabric so dark that the night sky above them came to shame. Small jewels sewn onto the fabric shine like stars. I must admit it was one of his better moments, every fiber in his body seems royal, somehow not really of this world, not even here.

_Could you do it? Could you ever be as convincing as a Queen as he is as a King? Could you ever be his equal in their eyes?_

I try to shake the thought, it won’t do me any good. Of course I could never be like him, I wasn’t faerie or born in a royal family. I had fought for everything I had. That was my strength.

This wasn’t really the formal kind of banquet, if there ever was one. Some immediately started to dance, others to eat and there wasn’t any place cards even though I noticed that the more important someone was, the closer to the high kings table they sat. On his right side sat Nicasia again. Always Nicasia. She had on a sheer, almost transparent dress. On his left on the other hand must be the guest from the smaller court. I didn’t recognize him but if he had been from around here I surely would have. He was short and had an ingratiating smile as he looked up at Cardan. Cardan didn’t seem to notice my entrance.

I chose a table where I could keep an eye on the high kings table and the rest of the hall, my back against a wall. I had lost Locke somewhere in the crowd coming in but didn’t really consider it a loss anyway. I was quite used to be an outsider on these kinds of events. I also recognized the pattern from the revel, how some folk glanced at me but kept their distance.

I took some food on a plate and filled my goblet with wine, not really intending to touch any of it, as I was watching for anyone familiar, anyone I might have seen talking to Madoc before. It wasn’t easy. He had been the king’s general after all, he had a lot of friends in high places and anyone of them could still be loyal to him, we couldn’t assume all of them were spies though.

As I watched time went by, liquor of different kinds flowing generously. More times than I was willing to admit my eyes drifted to Cardan. I watched as Nicasia filled a goblet with a green liquid and placed herself in Cardan’s lap, urging him to taste. Cardan put an arm around her and whispered in her ear. She giggled.

That was more than I could bear to watch. It didn’t matter that The Roach had implied that he kept her happy to not upset Orlagh, it still felt like a punch in the stomach after what Nicasia and her family had done to me. It didn’t even matter that I had been the King’s seneschal when it happened, they still got away with it. I, on the other hand, got exiled because I defended my life against one of those kidnappers. I purposely looked another way, distaste all over my face.

Then suddenly Locke appeared again. He smiled and stretched out a hand towards me.

“Would you care to dance?”

I hesitated. I swiftly glanced towards Cardan again. Maybe I could show him that I could have a little bit of fun. I took Locke’s hand.

“Well, if I remember correctly you were a decent dancer.”

He laughed.

“Decent? If I didn’t know that you can lie I would be hurt.”

Locke led us to the dancefloor and place a warm hand around my waist as I place one on his shoulder. The music was quite slow and we began to swirl around the floor together to it’s beat. He danced on light feet and guided me gently across the floor.

“So what’s the real reason Taryn isn’t here tonight Locke?” I ask.

“Taryn proved a long time ago that she understands the rules of faerie. She respects that we don’t love the same way humans do.”

I sniff as he spins me around.

“Sounds like something a cheating bastard would say”

He catches me as come back after the spin, a little dizzy. Smile unwavering.

“I heard an interesting rumor.” He continues, ignoring my comment.

“Oh really?”

“Madoc has really turned against the King, he is gathering his allies, preparing an attack.”

“Well, you don’t hear many rumors in the mortal world.” I answer in a neutral voice.

Locke leans in, the distance between us shrinking, and talks with a low voice close to my ear.

“But then I thought, why wouldn’t you be with him if that was true? You most of all must ache to remove Cardan from the throne.”

“Maybe I’m tired of politics.” I answer dryly.

Locke makes a soft laugh.

“And yet you come back to faerie? I don’t think so.”

“You could be Mados’s spy of course. But then I started thinking, what could Cardan be willing to give you that no one else would, not even Madoc?”

He spins me around under his arm again but this time he stops when my back is still towards him instead of spinning me all the way around, holding his arms around me from behind, so close that I feel the heat from his body against mine. In that moment I notice that we are turned towards the kings table and Cardan is looking straight at us. Our eyes meet. For a second there’s only that, his intense eyes connecting with mine and we both freeze in place just a moment, caught in each other’s eyes. Then I spin myself around again and Locke don’t try to resist me.

“I think you think to much” I manage as we swirl away farther from the kings table again.

“Maybe” Locke agrees.

“After all, a mortal Queen… That’s just silly isn’t it?”

I stop and he stops with me.

“Consider this the last time I played a role in your games and my debt payed. The High King clearly doesn’t care for anyone but himself.”

I let go of him and he of me.

“If you say so.” Locke answers.

I turn around and walk out the great doors of the hall, leaving him behind. I walk around for a while, meeting drunken revelers in the corridors, maybe looking for a more private corner. I spot one of the doors that The Bomb showed me the other day, the ones that lead to the court of shadows headquarters. I might as well wait for the others in there, or at least clear my head on my own for a while.

I open the door and walk in. The same moment I get in someone slam the door shut behind me and I realize I’m standing face to face with Cardan, his hand still on the door right over my shoulder. He must have been waiting one the other side of the door. He looks furious.

“I don’t know what kind of game you think you’re playing Jude, but _Locke_ …”

“Hold on” I interrupt him. His eyes spark and his mouth is twitching, but he quiets down for a second.

“This better not be what I think it is. Are _you_ really about to lecture _me_ about loyalty?” I ask him with an icy voice.

He takes a step towards me and I instinctively take a step back. As I do my back thuds against the door I just came in through. This wasn’t the cold fury I had come to expect from Cardan and had experienced before. I notice his eyes going down to my hand, to the ruby ring that I put on earlier. I get a sudden urge to hide it behind my back but manages to resist. His eyes meet mine again.

“You are _my_ wife Jude Duarte”

He takes another step closer to me.

“And as long as you are I be damned if I going to watch him with you.”

The last sentence he says with a low growl. As if words aren’t enough anymore he reaches for me, putting one hand behind my head and bring his lips crashing down on mine.

A surge goes through my stomach and it feels like I’m free falling, unsure if I would have been able to stand if it wasn’t for the fact that I was stuck between him and the door. I’m instantly lost to the kiss. It feels like getting back a part of myself that I hadn’t realized that I had lost, like a black-and-white film suddenly bursting with color. I instantly want more, demand it from him with a fury matching his own. He who had taken everything from me, including every chance of there being an us as he exiled me.

My hands have reached behind his neck before I realize what’s happening, pulling him down to me. My response urges him on and his hands begin to roam along my body in a desperate manner, like he must feel every last inch of me to make sure I’m really there. It doesn’t take him long to find his way inside the slit in my dress, his long fingers reaching for my bare thighs. I let out small hiss as his hands lift me up to him at the same time as he pushes me against the door.

“Jude” He whispers my name as a plea, whispers it against my lips, our eyes closed. Gone is the anger and only the desperation remain. My heart ache at the sound of it. He doesn’t get to make me feel that way. I want him to shut up. I put my hands around his face and kiss him, squeeze my legs tightly around him. A low moan escape between his lips and his hands press me against him…

“Ehem…” The sound of someone who clears their throat very loudly. The Roach stands in the doorway of another of the secret doors but kind of looks like he wished he never opened it. I immediately let go of Cardan and drop to the floor, not very gracefully. Cardan doesn’t really help, he reluctantly let go of me as he has to when I pull away. My cheeks feels hotter than ever. Cardan simply give The Roach an encouraging look to state his business, fast.

“I saw you both leave and assumed it must be important, but I could leave”

“No” I say at the same time as Cardan say “Yes”. Cardan looks at me, the annoyance apparent in his face.

“We need to talk Jude.” He emphasizes the words and looks me straight in the eye, still holding on to my right hand, the one with the ring. But I’m no way ready to talk about the oceans of unsaid things that lies between us right now. I firmly shake my head.

“We have more important things to discuss.” I say instead. Cardan let go of my hand and I watch the transformation takes place in his face. The sincerity fades away and he becomes distant again.

“As you wish. You clearly don’t need my approval.”

The Roach looks like he rather be anywhere but here, caught between his king and his queen. Funny how he could be unnerved by cold blooded murder but so uncomfortable right now.

“It’s still early. They probably miss me at the banquet and The Roach can brief me later. If you don’t disagree?”

Cardan glance at me. I wonder if by “they” he meant Nicasia. Hypocritic asshole. Out loud I only say “As you wish”.

He disappears out the door. The Roach shake his head and seem to be on the verge of saying something. I speak before he gets the chance.

“We have a problem. Locke is up to something.”


	8. The end of the road

Once I had briefed The Roach I really didn’t feel like facing neither Locke or Cardan back at the banquet. The Roach made sure I could borrow a horse from the stable and then I rode home in the early morning, the cool air feeling good on my skin after the crowded hall in the palace. It almost succeeded in erasing the memory of Cardans warm body against mine, his hands…

No, I was _not_ doing this.

It was even harder to forget the way he had said my name though. Or the way or bodies came together as if starved since he exiled me. How I suddenly felt _alive._ That moment of vulnerability we had shared.

I ride faster, focus all my energy the path ahead of me. Once I had stabled the horse and reached my room back at the estate I felt ready to fall right into bed. But the second I open the door to my room I know that I’m not alone. My hand goes to a hidden dagger…

And then Taryn stands up. I hadn’t recognized her with her face hidden in the shadows in a corner. I put away the dagger with an exhale.

“Please don’t hide in my room Taryn, it could end very badly. What are you doing here?”

I sit down on the bed. Taryn still stands.

“I… I must warn you.” I can see the struggle in her face as she talks. I straighten and frown.

“About what?” I ask, suddenly on high alert, taking in the room. But there are only the two us in there.

“About Locke. He’s up to something.” It seems to cost her a lot, just saying those words aloud. I can’t help to sigh.

“You don’t say? Of course he is.”

Taryn shakes her head and sits down beside me on the bed.

“This is not like his usual games. He’s been making dangerous enemies lately, taking risks he shouldn’t. Now he’s up to something new and I just know it involves you somehow. I’m scared he have really gone too far this time Jude.”

She really looks worried. I take her hand.

“I don’t get it Taryn, why stay with him? Why marry him in the first place if you always knew what he was up to?”

She shakes her head again, her gaze averted now.

“It was never about him, at least not only about him. Don you get it Jude? This is my life. I have a place in faerie. I get to be one of them. If I break our wows I would have nowhere to go but the mortal world. You of all people get that I can’t go back on this”

I want to say something but close my mouth again. I guess I do understand somehow even if I don’t agree. We both made sacrifices to be accepted in faerie. But I can’t help thinking that despite everything I have done I got the better deal.

“I… kind of get it.” I say reluctantly.

Taryn smiles faintly and squeeze my hand. I guess this is as close to an agreement we will get on the subject.

“Please tell me I have nothing to worry about, that there is nothing he could use against you?” Taryn pleads.

I’m quiet for a moment, not sure what to tell her. I don’t want to lie but still don’t trust her enough to tell her the truth either.

“We both have our… oaths. I have some I can’t back out of anymore than you could.”

I can see that she wants to protest, or at least ask more, opening and closing her mouth again before she finally nod slightly.

 “Just promise me to be careful. I kept thinking about… before. That I should I have warned you, somehow. I couldn’t do it again.”

“Appreciate it. I’m careful, I promise.”

We share a smile and the Taryn says good night and leaves. I kept looking at the door after she left, wishing that I could be satisfied with the fact that we at least didn’t lie to each other but somehow I still wished there could be more. Maybe someday.

 

I don’t remember falling asleep, but I awake to a prompt rapping on my door.

“Jude Duarte?” A voice says with authority outside. I don’t recognize it.

I get up and put on a robe. Again comes the rapping on the door.

“If you don’t open we will be forced to…”

I open the door and find two guards clad in the royal colors outside. The one who had been knocking quickly lowers his hand and clear his voice.

“The high king requires your presence. We have orders to escort you to the palace.”

I want to politely tell them to fuck off. I take a deep breath.

“You can wait outside while I dress.” I start to close the door but the one who had spoke blocks the door with his foot.

“Our orders are…”

“You can wait outside or I can make your job very difficult.” I say with a firm voice, making sure to do my best to live up to my reputation as princeslaying assassin with every fiber in my body. The guard removes his foot and reluctantly nods once.

Unsure of how long the guards will actually wait I quickly dress in a pair of soft leather hoses and a black doublet. I strap nightfell to my hip and hide a couple of daggers in my clothes for good measure. Whatever this is, I don’t want to face it unarmed. Just as I imagine that the guards start to get impatient I open the door to the hallway and find them waiting outside. The one I spoke to earlier looks at my sword disapprovingly.

“Am I under arrest?”

”No ” he answers reluctantly.

Taryn comes down the hallway from her bedroom, still only wearing a robe.

“Jude? What’s the matter?”

“You heard the man. I’m not arrested, he’s just generous enough to _escort me_ to the palace. It’s very kind of him.” I answer, voice dripping with sarcasm. With all that had happened the last couple of days I guess I had just run out of patience. The faerie guard mostly looked confused though, sarcasm didn’t really work that well in a world where no one could lie, well, at least not my blunt version of it. Cardan always managed to get away with it just fine.

Locke stood further down the hallway, smirk on his face.

“Done with politics are you Jude? Send the high king my regards.”

I resisted a new wave of anger. Could he have something to do with this?

“Don’t worry” I say to Taryn and then I take the lead down the stairs.

Outside three horses are waiting. Thankful they didn’t bring a carriage I sit up on the horse indicated by the guards. Once we arrive at the palace the guards lead me down the still quite empty corridors. I realize that it’s earlier than I first thought, most of the palace is still asleep. We pass the throne room. That must be a good sign at least, if this was about some kind of formal punishment Cardan certainly would have met me in there. And choose a time when he would get a bigger audience. Instead we arrive at his personal quarters. After a quick knock the first guard enters, then the second one gives me a small shove for me to enter after him. I clench my teeth but walk in after the guard while the second one follows me. Once inside they take their places at either side of me.

Cardan’s personal chambers aren’t that personal at this hour apparently. Beside the two guards he’s surrounded by several courtiers, men and women still clad in their party clothes from last night. And probably still drunk as well. They are vaguely familiar but at least Nicasia aren’t with them. Cardan himself lays on a divan, goblet in hand. Lazy eyes looking at a girl who is hovering above him, feeding him grapes.

The guards bow. I remain standing with my hands behind my back. To remain quiet is all the respect I can muster right now.

“Jude Duarte, your highness”

Cardan finally looks my way, a wicked smile spreading across his lips.

“Jude!”

I still remain quiet. None of the things I want to say to him right now can I say in front of guests. Or his guards. Some of the courtiers whisper between them as they glance at me. Cardan awaits my answer and as the silence grow louder I finally answer.

“Your Highness”

Cardan’s smile grew a little wider but then he makes a dramatic sigh. “Leave us.”

The guards bow once again and then go out the door. The same goes for his guests, although on more unsteady legs. Cardan continue to feed himself grapes.

“You don’t get to give me orders” I snap as the doors finally close behind them.

“As I remember it you used to enjoy giving me plenty of commands when you had the opportunity.” He answers with a shrug of his shoulders, seemingly unruffled by my harsh tone.

“And this is what? Revenge? For me commanding you or for last night?”

“Why would I be mad with you Jude?” He still doesn’t look at me but his voice is daring, very aware about all the things I don’t want to talk about. I had almost forgotten this side of him. How infuriating he could be.

“Locke sends his regards by the way”.

Now he looks at me. His eyes darkened. I remember the same look in his eyes from yestereve. Dangerous territory. I close my eyes a second and take a deep breath, willing the images from my mind. I guess it’s time to talk.

“Locke only asked me to dance because he wanted a reaction from you. Don’t you see? It was a trap and we both stepped right into it. He knows something, too much. And it’s way too easy to turn us against each other and we won’t even have time to notice what the enemy is doing. It has to stop.”

Cardan sat up properly now. His face cautious but at least not grinning.

“Then why dance with him at all?”

I walk up to one of the big windows, looking out. I can’t find a good answer, so I speak the truth.

“Why do you think Cardan? How do you think it makes me feel seeing Nicasia sitting at your right side after all that she did to me in the undersea, like it didn’t even matter? I’m just human after all, right? You do it all the time, spirit us away and cast us out when you’re done.”

My voice was harsh again. I had said more than I intended. I try to pace myself, calm my voice back down again.

“I don’t give a damn about who you take to bed, it’s not about that.”

Well… mostly true. I take a breath.

“I wasn’t sure there was anything I wouldn’t endure to earn my place here, but her? It may be stupid, but for as long as I live I will not make myself small for her sake again. Not for a second. I know you may have your reasons for keeping her close but if you ever try to make me to play along with it I might just kill her.”

Truthfully, I wasn’t sure strategy was the only reason Cardan kept her close. Wasn’t Nicasia the reason he was so mad about me dancing with Locke anyway? Not that he actually cared about me but that he didn’t want to lose to Locke, who had stolen Nicasia from him in the first place.

I hear him get up from divan, silent footsteps behind me but still I don’t turn to look at him. I don’t even dare to glance. If he was going to laugh at me I preferred he didn’t do it to my face. I could feel his presence though, standing close behind me now.

“Jude…”

A quick rapping on the door. Cardan cursed. I don’t now if I ever had heard him curse.

“Your highness?” Came a call from the other side. The Bomb.

Cardan put a hand on my arm.

“She can wait Jude.”

I shook my head.

“It doesn’t matter. It is what it is.” I say with a slightly hoarse voice. I swallow.

“Come in” I say in a louder voice.

Both me and Cardan turn to face the door as The Bomb come in.

“Great, you’re already here! I told Cardan to send for you.”

I raise my eyebrows and look at Cardan.

“Bomb was the one who wanted to see me? You couldn’t just send me a message?”

Cardan smiled, not a mocking smile, just a playful one.

“She said it was urgent.”

The Bomb jump in before I have time to answer.

“It is. Madoc sent a new threat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! A new chapter! Had different ideas for how this scene could have played out and changed the direction two times before I just went with it.


End file.
